Even the Bean has thoughts.

I have been called many things. Miggens, Buddha, Mickey, Fernando, Bean...

I have slaughtered millions with foam swords. I have tangoed with many redheads and come back... well, seemingly sane-ish. I have drunken the equivalent of a small lake's worth of liquors and such. I have partied with El Diablo himself in the slums of Tijuana.

... you may have heard of me.

This is my rifle. Many are like it, but this one is mine.


New Year.

Let’s hit it hard. 

And so I awake. Time for Sunday Funday at work followed immediately by the Team Quest Dye or Die paintball event. Then later on possibly Killarney’s and The Lounge. Geez I have a full day.


Veteran Ranger from Fallout: New Vegas


Veteran Ranger from Fallout: New Vegas


Back to work. I’ve spent enough money this weekend. 

Next big buy? Hookers and blow?

Maybe. But more likely a laptop. And an iPod. Hooah.


At last. One chapter of my life comes to a close and another begins. I have longed for a reprieve from the lives of the daywalkers and will now be spending most of my time up late at night. Not that I’d be able to tell much of a difference, where I’m heading it’s always glowing with an unnaturally clean and vibrant light. But it’s what I’ve wanted. And I get paid for it. I’ll also be in the company of two of my best friends, maybe even three. It will be interesting to live these vampire hours. 

Oh man. I freekin love…

getting blown off completely. Karma I suppose.

You blow off the band to spend time with a girl and that’s gonna bite you in the ass.

Another damn day, down the tubes.

Chris Proctor & The Sex Offenders - Suicidal Thoughts

This here is something special. I don’t recall exactly when this track appeared in my music library or exactly where it came from. I think it may have been around my freshman year when I first got my myspace and was ripping music off local bands’ pages. This here is a cover of the Notorious B.I.G.’s “Suicidal Thoughts” done in a very different way. It always stuck. So enjoy this gem.

Chris Proctor and the Sex Offenders - Suicidal Thoughts

Drinky Drank.

Year 21. The apex of the standard human life. The peak of madness, the defining moment of a being’s existence. 

2 months away. Yet. I am not at all anxious to get to it. I’m getting old, the days are getting shorter and my dreams are ending so suddenly. It’s horrifying, to think this way. It’s giving in to the dark circles under my eyes, the realization that most of my albums are almost a decade old. Journal entries written yesterday in my mind are scrawled on yellowing paper. A midnight shift of a job, shortening the days even more. And everywhere there is death, of the heart, the mind, the spirit.

People who I have loved are loving others, and I should as well, but I love none. It’s such a tedious game, the cons outweighing the pros so steadily. Still we yearn for it, and why not? Love is the key to living forever. Being remembered by others is immortality. 

I speak as though I think my life is ending. In a sense it is. The world does not allow people to thrive when they think like I do most of the time. I just want to blow off everyone, drive, get proper smashed, call her on the phone and explain to her how much I wish she’d stay. Self destructive tendencies lead to just that - destruction. It’s kill the child inside or die, never progress, be trampled under the feet of the people you called your comrades, your brothers.

I have to start moving. I have 2 months to say goodbye, to make my amends.

On the day of my first death, I will have a good bottle of White Zinfadel, perfectly chilled and in a brown bag, I will have driven to the edge of my world to stare out at the perfect nothingness of blue. I will drink, I will remember, I will listen to my music. Maybe I’ll call her, maybe I owe myself as much even if it won’t do much at this point.

Sleep eludes me.


brighton marina wall (by lomokev)


brighton marina wall (by lomokev)

Holy Hell. Happy Birthday ‘Merica.

So yeah. As I am wont to do, I neglected posting on this damned website for some time. But here I am again. Alright, well I got shit to do so I guess I’m out of here.

But not before some major spoilers.

Eh, actually no. I have no idea if anyone ever reads this crap.